Transitions are hard. This one was especially tough. Because of how the transition took place (and because of some snow days which made the schedule really weird), I worked a full day at my old school on Tuesday (9 classes) and then worked a full day at my new school on Wednesday (6 classes). Talk about emotional whiplash!
On Tuesday I held it together fairly well. I got teary a few times but managed not to completely lose it. Until I walked out of the building with my arms full of boxes of my stuff. Two people offered to help me and I really needed the extra arms so I accepted. As I left the library - MY library - for the last time I started to cry. When I left the building - MY building - for the last time I started to sob. And. I. Could. Not. Stop. I felt sorry for the two people helping me because it must have been uncomfortable for them. It sure was for me. They helped me put my boxes in my car, gave me hugs, then left. Quickly. I got in my car and just sat and cried for 10 minutes before I could even drive.
On Wednesday I woke up excited and nervous and sad. I got to work early and started setting up and pulling books for the classes that day. My first class thought I was crazy. Several of them actually laughed at me (not in a good way). Their old library lady didn't read books to the upper grades, only to Kinders and 1st graders. I read to all ages, every week. I had picked a funny, silly book "The Wizard, The Fairy, and The Magic Chicken" by Helen Lester (on of my favorites). I wanted a short book because I had rules and expectations (and introductions) to go over. With that book I make silly voices and faces. The kids at my "old" school had loved that book. These kids? Not so much. I think it was partly because I was SO different from their old teacher. The first class was a class of 5th graders. They were "much too mature" to be read a picture book! I was a shock to them. I was pretty convinced they hated me.
I had an hour wait until my next class. Thankfully, they were much more receptive. They laughed along with me and really enjoyed the book. Then the three afternoon classes happened. I have 1st grade, Kinder, then 2nd, all back to back. It was CRAZY! The old librarian had them doing color sheets or showed them movies. I was expecting them to listen and sit still! Oh my. By the end of the day I was crying again and asking myself, "What have I done?"
The next day was the real shock. On Thursdays I don't have any classes. I just get to do library work. But is was SO quiet! My old library was the center of the school - literally! No walls, no doors, just bookshelves in the middle of the school. I talked to every single person, every single day. If there was a sub in 3rd grade, I knew about it. If there was a kid taking too many bathroom breaks, I knew about it. When Mrs. Who's It was having a bad day with her students, she would come to me to vent. My new library is behind a door in a hallway that doesn't even have classrooms in it. So I don't see people very often. And no one eats lunch together so I ended up eating lunch alone, too! The staff at the new school was very welcoming and friendly - I just never saw them! I felt very alone and very, very lonely.
I ended up crying every day for two weeks. I lost 12 lbs because I couldn't eat. I didn't sleep and thought long and hard about just quitting. But I finally turned the corner. In part, because I gave myself permission to leave at the end of the year if I still hated it.
I am now about two months in and I'm loving it. I have had to adjust but I really like it. I really miss my friends and all the kids at my old school but all the reasons that I wanted to change have come true. I am having to force myself to really think about why I do things the way I do. Is that the best way? Is there a different way? What is best for the kids? I really feel like I am making a difference with these kids. Not just in the book department (although my circulation is way up over the same time period last year so more kids are getting more books) but also in the relationship department. These kids are awesome and they need a lot of people in their lives who tell them that - often! I'm glad I get to be one of those people.
So, transitions are tough. But if you tough it out, they can also be awesome!
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